Goodbye

I'm back in Chicago. I was all prepared to be depressed. I thought home wouldn't feel like home anymore. But to my immense relief, it does. It smells like home. It kinda smells like summer, to be honest. Maybe it's because I have an interview. I don't really know why I'm not sad now. But I was ridiculously sad when I was saying my goodbyes when I left on Wednesday.

Here's the story. So Wednesday I worked for about two hours then cleaned and packed my last few things and then I had to say my goodbyes. It was miserable. I did ok with the first few. At breakfast I said goodbye to the people in the upper kitchen, Kelly, Julia, Camille, Steve, and Dougie. Dougie asked for my contact info because he said next time he was in Chicago, he'd take me to a Cubs game. So that was sweet. Later in the office, I hugged Paige and Caroline and Bill and Jude. Then I went to the kitchen to say goodbye to Marc and he gave me such a good hug and said to me, "Thank you for coming into my life." And I broke down. It's that the phrase everyone wants to hear in their life. Like, "Thank you for your presence. I feel blessed to have known you." Doesn't everyone just want to hear that they're appreciated and truly noticed. It's like they're saying they love you, but so much more intense. So yeah, I broke down and sobbed and had to leave the kitchen. I'm an ugly crier. And from then on, I couldn't close the flood gates.

I said goodbye to Kim and Nate and Kenzie and I asked Kenzie to say goodbye to Tami for me. I had to get myself together so I escaped to the empty Bunkhouse and sobbed by myself for a bit then I said goodbye to Theresa, the HR lady, and wrote a goodbye note to Dale since he wasn't there. And lastly, I went to say goodbye to Paul Britt. And I wore my sunglasses because it was obvious that I had been crying. But I couldn't even hold it in then. I started crying and had to leave quickly. And the worst part is that I didn't get to say goodbye to Jess and Jimmy. Jess had left town and Jimmy was home sick. So I never got to say goodbye.

And I don't think I cried when I left Mizzou. But that's because I knew I'd be back. With the ranch, I'm not so sure. I'm not sure I'll ever see some of these amazing people again. That's the hardest part. I might return to the ranch in a few years, but there's no guarantee that they'll be there. So it's sad.

Courtni, Bruce, and I left the ranch around 11:15 and started the drive to Denver. I cried a bit on the way there but not much. In Denver we got lunch at a sandwich place called Cheeba Hut. And Bruce paid for our lunch! So nice of him. Then we dropped Courtni off and the doctor and Bruce and I drove around a bit. We talked about the summer and the future and all kinds of things. He's one of those really nice guys who hides behind a tough facade. So yeah, we drove around and stopped in some stores and then went back to pick Courtni up. From there we decided to head toward the airport and went to a Bass Pro Shop and looked around and played on the boats. Then we went to Toby Keith's I Love This Bar. It was a pretty cool place. But of course it was pretty empty because it was so early in the evening. But we had a drink and Courtni paid because she made a LOT of money in tips from the past weekend. So that was really nice of her. Then we headed to the airport. The dropped me off and we said a quick goodbye before I could start crying again. Courtni was one of my best friends on the ranch. And that was really surprising because I found her quite loud and obnoxious the very first day I met her. And for like a week I avoided her because she was too outgoing for me. But now I love her. She's such a wonderful girl, so kind and thoughtful and adventurous and generous. I really hope to be able to visit her in Oregon one day and I really hope she and Bruce come visit Chicago. But they dropped me off and then left and I checked in and flew home.

So another chapter comes to a close. It was the best summer of my life and I'm so glad I made the choice and had the opportunity to spend the summer at the C Lazy U. There were a few times when I got really fed up with being there, but really, the spring and the fall made up for everything. I met some truly amazing people. Honestly, some of the nicest people I've ever met. I learned a lot and made some friends that I hope I'll be able to keep in touch with my whole life. And I feel like for a little while, I'll feel like I felt after I got back from Europe: that everything in Colorado and on the ranch is better. I'm not dissatisfied with life here. I just got a lot of experiences there that I want to talk about. I met a lot of wonderful people that I want to talk about. And I'll spend my whole life trying to get back there to visit. It was just so beautiful. And it was so nice to be surrounded by such nice and warm people. People that exuded so much love and happiness. I miss the ranch. I miss my room and my friends and my freedom. I miss the weather. Two days after I left, it snowed on the ranch and I missed it! I miss the smell and the horses. I miss the people who were my teachers because I still feel like there's so much more for me to learn and absorb. But like I said, it's a new chapter closed. And hopefully another one's about to begin.

Here's to the future and the unexpected, wonderful places it can take us. One year ago, who knew this is where I'd be? And a year from now, my life might have changed just as much. And I'm really looking forward to where I'll be and what I'll be doing and who is in my life.

Because if there's one thing in life that's certain, it's change.

And taxes, always taxes.

So you'd better get used to dealing with both.